I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
