I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
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