i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
