i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
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He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to get me chipped asap
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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