hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
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