PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
