I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
