Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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