Porn is love you can see.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
