take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Randomize
