I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
