Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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