He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize