Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
