I wish I could teleport
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
