new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
