Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
