i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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