Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
