You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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