You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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