i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Randomize
