Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
