What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
