so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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