oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
