So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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