If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
