i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just threw up on my dentist
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize