I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
