For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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