Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
