OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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