Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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