If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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