what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
