i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
