I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
