whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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