you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
