I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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