sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
