well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
