I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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