It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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