Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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