Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
