He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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