Sponge bath it is.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
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APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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