Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
