so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
