Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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