His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
