you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
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I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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